Sometimes, I fear my Jessie is too smart for her own good. I smile at her, my eyes still shut and say, "Yes," softly.
"We fed, never killing - though he came close and only stopped at my persuasion, for I did not want that type of attention. We did talk, you know me too well to think otherwise," I say, looking up at her with a smile.
"He talked of how he came to be. I talked of my own beginnings. His kind ... they are - unique - to say the least. He told it to me as his Sire, the one who made him, told it to him. For that is what they call their makers. Sires.
"He was told that there was a time when demons roamed the earth, controlled it and the humans. Until, one day, the humans overthrew them, sending them back to their hell. However, before they could be completely banished, one demon mixed its blood with that of a human and hence his race of vampires was born."
I remember the way I reacted, confused and wanting to know more. However, poor William, he knew only what he was told and I was too tired - in heart and soul - to look for more answers.
I look at him, waiting for the small flicker in his eyes that will tell me he is joking, but it never comes. He is telling the truth. I can taste it like his blood, thick and true.
"Demons? Like imps and things told to frighten you into being good for the church?"
It is just too much. The Talamasca never once believed that there were such things as demons, and they had never been documented. If that is the case, then the Talamasca has very little knowledge of the world and they are fools to think they know everything. That, I fear, will be their downfall. I have the urge to tell them of this new race of human/demon vampires, but I know Lestat would not like it. Nor would I, for that matter. Who knows what they would do, if Lestat's William were truly what he says he is. Would they study him from afar, as they have our kind? Or, would they seek to become monsters themselves and study more closely, dissecting and seeing how they work.
No, I do not think the Talamasca would do such a thing. However, I would not put it past certain members. I had heard tale when I was still under their wing, of others of the Order doing horrific things in the name of science and knowledge. Some were stopped before their ventures could begin; while others continued until they themselves were killed by the very things they studied. Either way, it was not condoned and thought barbaric by the Order as a whole.
Besides, what could I tell them? Would they believe me? A vampire come to tell them of an entirely different race of vampires and demons that they never knew existed. I do not think they would believe me. I barely believe it.
I laugh. Only she would put it in such terms. "Yes, all the things that they tell you to fear."
She looks at me, slapping at my arm ruefully.
"Honestly, I do not know. He did not go into much detail. William only said that there were things that could give vampires nightmares.
"When I asked him why, after almost two centuries of roaming the world, I never saw such things. Do you know what he said? He said I was a 'lucky bloke'."
I hate to admit, but at the time, I was intrigued, almost begging him to show me these things. Nevertheless, he did not. Instead, he laughed at me. Laughed and called me a fool. I have to admit now that I was the fool, asking for something I had no hope of understanding, then or now, but I was curious. So curious.
"Do not think them all powerful, ma cherie, they are easily killed. They are what legends of vampires are made of. Stakes, crosses, holy water, garlic - it all affects them - or kills them."
I hold up a hand to stem Jessie's questions. She gives me a hard gaze but motions that I continue.
"I saw it, my dear, with my own two eyes after we had left that place. I saw as he proved to me how it could be done.
"He did nothing special, but he seemed to know where another of his kind lay hidden, waiting for a meal to come his way. They argued, well, not argued - more it was a form of banter. Insults and the like. Then, William took the other one by the lapels and threw him bodily into a pile of wood. He turned back to me smiling, not even looking to see what was happening. I think he knew, by the look of sheer horror on my face.
"It was like nothing I've ever seen before in my life. Not even the destruction of Akasha can compare. I watched as a single piece of wood pierced through him, through the heart of this being. He looked at me then, in the moments before his destruction, and I swear to you Jessie - I saw nothing."
I have to stop, compose myself. Just talking about it is causing pains within. Pains I had thought were long healed.
"In our victims, even the worst and the most evil of them, there is always a glimmer of something. Be it asking for forgiveness, or regret over their life, but there is always something. Always.
"But, with this creature it seemed it was of no more important than a bad day! It did not look to me for forgiveness, or to William. There was no regret it in its eyes. There was no glimmer of hope. There was nothing but maybe a slight annoyance at the situation as a whole.
"Then, just as I saw that - he cried out, back bowed, and turned to so much dust before my eyes."
I do not know what to say to this. I stare at Lestat, seeing his agitation over this one event. But, to say that it did not seek out mercy that it did not cry out to be forgiven. What does this say of them? What does it mean that it only found annoyance in the situation - that it did not cry out to have its life, such as it is, be spared?
The things of legends. Vampires that can be killed so easily seems almost a waste. To be that fragile and live that long, or not that long at all.
I see now why Lestat is hesitant to speak of this William. He is afraid that his friend may have met the same fate along the road. But no, he had made a comment earlier, the other night, about seeing William.
"Wait. This William. You say you saw him at the bar the other night?” I ask.
"Then, at that time, yes. I am sure I saw him. Now? Now I do not even believe my eyes or memories. How could it be him after so many years? However, it did look like him, if only a bit different. Why do you ask?"
"If he is still alive, then he has to be strong to survive this long with such odds."
Coming from my mouth now, it does not seem like that big of a revelation. It did sound so much better in my own thoughts.
Either way, there must be something special about this William for him to still be walking the earth with such odds against him. I feel that soon I will find out for myself. Lestat has that far off look in his eyes. It can mean different things, but I do think we will be seeing William shortly. Lestat will not be dissuaded, I shall see to that.
"Why have you not searched him out? Or have you?"
I sigh, closing my eyes. She would suggest that which my heart has desired. I wish to find him, wish to see him, touch him, and know he is there. There was so much more to that meeting with him that I have not told my Jessie, and probably never will.
That is why I told her, was it not? To have her be that gentle persuasion at my back when my fears ignite within me and I become so much the coward. I knew she would see to it that I find him, bring him to us. I think now I have used her for that purpose and I feel guilty for that. How can I do that to her? Use her for my own means.
Ah, but you are not Lestat. Do not try to worm your way out of this. Fear is not something to bury yourself in like a cocoon. You have never done well with this.
My crisis lies in finding William.
"No, I have not. I do not know what I would do if I were to be confronted with him again," I say, finally responding to Jessie.
It is not as if we had parted with bad feelings between us. Not even when we argued - loudly and enthusiastically - did we actually have any animosity between us. He did not, however, understand my need to go to ground - no matter how I explained it. Though, he did give up and wished me 'bloody luck with the worms'.
He seems tense, worried, and I know not what to do for my dear Lestat. Such things he torments himself with. Will he never learn? I think he likes it, secretly. To play the martyr, the bleeding soul who would die if things became complicated.
Little does he know ... or maybe he does and it is all just an illusion. So many things to think on and I know nothing of what goes through his head. It is times like these when I am both thankful that I know nothing, and wish all the more that I did.
Does he not want to find him? Truly not want to? Or is there something lying in the past that has him shaken to the core of himself? Something that he fears to bring to light?
Always more questions than answers when it comes to Lestat.
"So, find him. Find out what will happen or you will come to a point you will hate yourself for never trying," I say, pushing him along. I admit, it is my curiosity that has me pushing, but he seems to be asking for it without saying a word. If he wants the push, then I shall give it to him for it is what I do best.
"Alright, I shall look, but not tonight. It is all but dawn soon and I wish to be tucked away and asleep before the first rays even touch the horizon," I say, standing with Jessie still held to me.
"Join me? Or will you seek your own place to sleep this night - where my thoughts cannot intrude upon yours?"
"I would not leave you in this state, sweet Lestat," I say, slipping out of his arms. He smiles and caresses my face before taking my hand in his. We walk silently through the house, for there are no mortals here to warn of our presence.
The door opens by his power alone and we walk through into the darkness. Lestat moves to light a candle or two while the doors shut slowly behind me. When he is done, he turns to me holding out his hands and I go to him. Together we lay down to sleep through the day.
I think, for today, I shall not leave him, but stay. I fear waking up without him this day, and I know it is reflected in him.